The Healthy Compulsive Project:

Some people just don’t know when to have a good time.  They habitually put off pleasure with the hope that they’ll get a greater reward later, and in the process they condition themselves not to enjoy anything. Contentment becomes scarcer than Ben and Jerry’s Dulce de Leche ice cream in hell. I call this chronic delay of gratification. It’s addictive,…

Some time ago I came across the concept of demand sensitivity, a psychological lens which magnifies, in your imagination, what other people insist you do. On a scale of one to ten, you might perceive that they’re insisting on a nine when really they just have a three in mind. The lens of demand sensitivity can also cause total illusions,…

Obsessing occurs when the capacity to focus and solve a problem by thinking runs into an emotional obstacle, a feeling we don’t want to face. The thinking process gets derailed and stuck in recurring loops. Here’s an example of this happening to me and how I handled it. *   *   * It’s four a.m. on the first morning of my…

This is the first of an occasional series on the relationship between archetypes and the obsessive-compulsive personality (OCP). Given the adamant nature of those with OCP, terrific or terrible things can happen when the two collide. OCP infuses just about any archetype with steroids. Such is the case with the archetype of the saint. What is an Archetype? Archetypes are…

How do we know when we’re being passive-aggressive? Because we might see our behavior as justified, innocent or even polite, we often aren’t aware when we’re doing it. After all, passive-aggressive behavior is defined by not doing something. “Hey, I’m not doing anything!” Yeah, and that’s the problem. Whether we’re aware of it or not, most of us try to…

Honk…Honk….HOOOOONK! You’ve seen it too many times. Someone tries to get away with driving badly so someone else decides to set them straight with their horn. “I’ll teach him!” Since the Bad Driver has violated the rules, the “Good” Driver feels the need to make sure they know they can’t get away with it. The honking is rationalized as an…

In my last post I harped about the importance of people with obsessive-compulsive personality consciously choosing their priorities. Today I’ll harp about one aspect of life that you may need to put near the top of that priority list: mastery, the experience of succeeding at rewarding challenges. Well, that’s dorky. You were hoping I’d say a steamy sex life? Maybe…

Since we’re beginning a new year, I thought it might be a good time to step back and look at the big picture. What’s most important and what are our priorities? This is especially crucial for people with obsessive-compulsive personalities, whose real values can get lost when their temperament collides with psychological challenges. In my initial consultation with new clients…

I recently posted about the benefits of self-compassion in lowering the depression that perfectionism causes. But if you experience shame, it can block self-compassion and lead to depression. Yet trying to avoid shame is often what motivates people to use to use potentially healthy tendencies in an unhealthy way. More on that in a moment, but first, what is shame?…

Imagine two perfectionists. When Estella feels that she’s fallen short of her standards, she puts more pressure on herself to succeed. She tries to raise her self-esteem through more success. Coco, on the other hand, deals with falling short of her perfectionistic standards by comforting herself with compassion, and remembering that it’s just her humanity kicking in. These are two…