The Healthy Compulsive Project:

This is the third of four posts describing in greater detail four types of obsessive-compulsive personality. These types overlap, and my terms for them are intended as invitations to flexibly explore your own tendencies–not as iron-clad categories to imprison you. If you’re trying to understand yourself or a loved one, the existing psychiatric diagnostic criteria may leave you with questions.…

This is the second in a series of four posts describing four different types of the obsessive-compulsive personality. Each of the four types have different gifts, talents which may be pursued with satisfaction–or enlisted to ward off anxiety. OCPD Type 2, the compulsive Worker-Doer, is compelled to accomplish, produce, achieve, and fix. They usually bring this passion to their career,…

Key to becoming a healthier compulsive is identifying the type of obsessive-compulsive personality (OCP) that you inhabit most of the time. If you start watching, you may realize that you gravitate toward certain clusters of personality traits and behaviors within the larger cluster of obsessive-compulsive personality traits. And that realization is good. People can be very different and still meet…

Composer John Cage reputedly said, “I don’t like elevator music, but I’d be better off if I did.” Coming from such a radically avant garde composer, this says a lot. The composition he prized the most, and probably his most famous, is 4’33,” (1952). He instructs the performer to not play their instrument for 4 minutes and 33 seconds (or…

I was working with a client recently when we realized that his ideals had become commandments. What had originally seemed simply like the best ways to do things had become decrees, followed with absolute religious commitment, as if his salvation was at stake. These commandments had helped him succeed in his career, but they made him unhappy and caused problems…

You are not your Ego.  No matter how big it’s become. As psychologists use the term, your Ego should simply be the part of you that serves an executive function. It deals with reality and gets stuff done. It should help you navigate the difficult waters of an often unfriendly world, but it should not be the one that decides…

I get a fair number of calls from people whose partners have threatened to divorce or leave them unless they go into therapy and make serious changes. Typically, the caller hadn’t been interested in psychotherapy before. That’s an indication of how disturbing the loss of their partner can feel for some people. It can provoke a visceral, indescribable fear about…

(Available in audio format at Apple and Spotify.) In the project of becoming a healthier compulsive, I’m down for an all-of-the-above approach. Psychotherapy? Go for it. Meditation? Immerse yourself. Journaling? Write your heart out. Another element of change, though far more elusive, is inspiration; the intangible experience that gives you the strength to persevere with existing challenges, or to get…

Wait, The Healthy Compulsive? Isn’t that an oxymoron? Not in my book. And I’ll tell you how I got there. Five years ago I launched The Healthy Compulsive Project, starting with a blog, and later adding a book. Today I’m launching a podcast, an OCPD podcast, but for many more than just those with OCPD. You can tune in at:…

Each partner in a couple has his or her most comfortable ways of expressing love. And each partner has his or her own ways of feeling that they are loved. Too often these love languages are like lips passing in the night, unrecognized and leaving both parties disappointed. Our own ways of expressing love may be different from our partner’s…