Have you ever wondered why high-functioning, driven people struggle with willpower depletion, pushing themselves long after the tank is empty? In this video, psychotherapist Gary Trosclair explores the hidden costs of overusing willpower and why self-control—though powerful—can become destructive when it loses contact with the body, emotion, and personal values. We’ll dive into the psychology of self control to understand how rigid ideas of strength, externally driven perfectionism, and fear-based motivation trap people in cycles of ego depletion. You’ll learn a healthier, more sustainable alternative: a flexible definition of strength that works from desire rather than constant pressure.
Alexithymia, difficulty in knowing what you feel and articulating it, is the partly result of an emotional strategy that no longer works. It’s an aspect of your personality that had had a purpose but now needs balancing. Because, while its original intent was to prevent suffering, it now causes suffering. Let’s not put salt on the wound.
Risk aversion evolved to protect us from predators and starvation. But in modern life, those same strategies often backfire. This essay traces the evolutionary roots of risk avoidance, its reinforcement through early family environments, and its expression in obsessive‑compulsive personality styles—revealing how ancient survival tactics undermine meaning, creativity, and desire today.
Ever felt like something was “just not right” even when nothing is wrong? Psychologists call these Not Just Right Experiences (NJREs)—a subtle but powerful force behind OCD and OCPD. Learn what they are, why they matter, and how to manage them before they hijack your peace of mind.
We’ve got perfectionism all wrong. The real problem isn’t high standards—it’s the illusion of perfectibility and harsh judgment that have been grafted onto it. Perfectionism began as a guide toward purpose, but centuries of distortion turned it into an enforcer of impossible ideals. Instead of banishing perfectionism, we can reclaim its adaptive side—commitment, persistence, and pursuit of excellence—while stripping away conceit and control. By befriending adaptive perfectionism, acknowledging its shadow, and clarifying our purpose, we transform it from a tyrant into a trusted partner. This episode brings together science and Jungian psychology for an unconventional approach to dealing with perfectionism.
Seriousness is an occupational hazard for obsessive-compulsives, Type A’s and perfectionists. Being serious can hurt relationships, mental health and physical health. Yet many of us feel duty-bound to be serious and we lose out on the benefits of humor and laughter–which can melt the rigidity which comes with being serious.
Most people get happier as they reach their 50s, 60s and 70s. But people who are obsessive-compulsive and perfectionistic may miss out on the potential benefits. Their default strategy of control can block the those benefits, and leave us metaphorically pushing a rock up a hill, only to have it come crashing down again.
At the healthy end of the obsessive-compulsive spectrum we find meaningful urges that were lost when urgency to deal with anxiety and insecurity took over. Creating, producing, and fixing can fulfill our need for purpose if approached mindfully. But too often our urgency leads to an amnesia for meaning.
Imagine a couple going through fertility treatment. They’re expected to make love at certain times...
In my last post I argued that it’s important for us to know that we...
